if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize