I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
