If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
