Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
