I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
