it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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