Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
