You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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