well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
