pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
