I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
