I cannot find my penis.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
