There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Non-Jews are for practice
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
