Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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