So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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