I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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