So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
