saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
