Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
