i was born a porn star she said
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
