My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i now understand why vodka
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
