Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
