She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
where are my eyebrows?
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