she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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