evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
