I don't usually arrange sex via text message
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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