A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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