I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
we should paint friendship bongs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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