my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
