mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
