pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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