So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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