he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
