Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
