well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
