I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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