he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
