I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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