Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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