this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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