just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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