There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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