why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
