are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
