i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
