I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
