i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
