Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
