We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
