let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
