There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
