We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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