Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
