She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
