So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
