i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
