I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
