I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
