one two three fourrrrnication!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So. Much. Porn.
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