Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(217): View more from Illinois

That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.

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(509): View more from Washington

Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin

(253): View more from Washington

was*

(509): View more from Washington

True, R.I.P.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.

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(706): View more from Georgia

The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled

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(631): View more from New York

So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol

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