his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
