She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize