thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He has the fingertips of a God
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