So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
