It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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