i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
