Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
