We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
